It was a stretch to put a weekend aside to take part in the very first retreat (sesshin) arranged at the new meditation room (zendo), skilfully and most generously built by Francis Checkley and his friends in Totnes. I enjoyed the schedule of sitting, walking, formal eating (oryoki) and performing services with friends very much, but my mind wandered almost continuously during the mediations (zazen), any time that I wasn’t falling asleep that is, and being a veteran of over 200 days’ worth of retreats like this, I didn’t give it a second thought that this short retreat would have any noticeable effect on me. So it was humbling to notice on my return home, that faced with the challenges of energetic and independently minded children, I wasn’t as skilled as I thought at dealing with the life I returned to. Retreats have a way of tenderising you, making you aware of your vulnerability, this enhances the process of self-study and I was shocked by just how aware I was of my poor practice and self-clinging the next day. As the days have gone on since then, I have begun to integrate the experience as my usual defences return, but I am left with a deep respect for the practice of zazen and it’s power to undermine the false belief in a limited, fixed self. I am deeply grateful to Ingen, Francis, Bernadette, Michael and everyone who together supported this most profound practice. May all beings benefit from our efforts.
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